Chances are, you’re not going to be alone forever.
Start spending more time with you. Laugh at your own jokes. Luxuriate in solitary silence. Walk. Read. Pamper yourself. Be as filthy and disgusting as you please. Learn the comfort of your own embrace. It’s a cliché but it’s true—you will love better once you’ve fallen in love with you. Sleep sprawled on the bed. Snore. When you wake up make eggs and bacon and eat them in bed on your own. Find things—big and small—that you love doing and do them everyday.
Focus on your job. Find a hobby. Do whatever the hell you want. Because when that day comes—the secret day you hold onto in the hidden recesses of your guts—you will have to compromise. You will have to think of someone else whenever you make a decision. You will have to share your bacon, and maybe they wont like it crispy besides, and you’ll have to adapt. You will have to sleep wedged between someone’s limbs. It wont be better and it wont be worse; it will be different, and you’ll have to learn to love it too.
“When I like people immensely I never tell their names to anyone. It is like surrendering a part of them. I have grown to love secrecy. It seems to be the one thing that can make modern life mysterious or marvelous to us. The commonest thing is delightful if one only hides it. When I leave town now I never tell my people where I am going. If I did, I would lose all my pleasure. It is a silly habit, I daresay, but somehow it seems to bring a great deal of romance into one’s life.”—~ Oscar Wilde (via moufles)
stripes. and glasses with no frames. and ill braid my hair back in a bun. and i just bought toms so i can use those. and red lipstick. and tattoos on my forearms. and i’ll carry around a camera. and take hipstamatic pictures (get it? hipsta?). and i’ll bite some of the polish of my nails. and…
“I love this part. This is the part where your heart races a bit, your stomach feels like it’s free floating, and your face has a slight smile on it that can’t be wiped off. This is the part where things are about to get really good, and you know they’re about to get really good, and sometimes that’s more satisfying than when you get whatever it is you’re waiting for.”—~ Scarlett Schmaus (via conflictingheart)
“See, I’m not the one to be taken advantage of and if you really think about it, I got nothin’ but love. Now if your heart isn’t in it, please let me know. There’s no need to waste time- if it’s no, then I’ll go.”—Phife (from A Tribe Called Quest) (via 36974)
“You are doing everything exactly how you should be doing it. You are asking all the right questions. You are doubting yourself in all the right ways. You are so much younger than you realize and will look back and see how all of these things put you exactly where you needed to be.”—http://hellogiggles.com/single-girls-guide-17 (via teacakestumbles)
so i guess i usually write more. and i havent been. which is a good thing, i think. i usually write when i’m sad or worried or scared or anxious. and it’s been a good few days/weeks since i’ve felt that stuff creeping around the corner like it generally does.
life has been good and weird and pretty wonderful. i was asked to come back to work on the next season of the show i’ve been working on. i started working on a new show. i got to see my family this weekend. i’ve talked to my friends more consistently in the past 2-3 weeks then i have all summer. theres been other good stuff happening. i’m smiling a lot more. i mean if i really wanted to i could pin point certain things. but i dont really want to. because i’m the queen of overanalyzing and right now im just fine (thankyouverymuch).
so i’m keeping the overanalyzing monsters at bay. and just smiling to smile. and laughing to laugh. and working on the things in my life that i want to. and not letting the other shit bother me. things could be better. things good be worse.
i’m sick of thinking myself out of things. so for now, if only for this very moment, im happy. and that’s what i choose to remember about Monday, October 17th, 2011. i was happy and excited and looking forward to a lot of things. and that’s all for now.
edit: okay. but the miami dolphins are making me sad and anxious and worried. just, ya know, a note.