“When things go wrong, you’ll find they usually go on getting worse for some time; but when things once start to go right they often go on getting better and better.”—C.S. Lewis, The Chronicles of Narnia: The Magician’s Nephew. (via quote-book)
Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn’t something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside of you. So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn’t get in, and walk through it, step by step. There’s no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones. That’s the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine.
And you really will have to make it through that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it: it will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, and you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You’ll catch that blood in your hands, your own blood and the blood of others.
And once the storm is over you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.
“We spend January 1st. walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives… not looking for flaws, but for potential.”—Ellen Goodman (via julie911)
“There will come a time you’ll see with no more tears,
and love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
with Grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.”—Mumford & Sons, “After The Storm” (via quote-book)
so my Nona died yesterday. my grandmother. my mom’s mom. she lived with us back home. anyway. i didnt really know how to feel about it. i still don’t i guess. i don’t really know any details or anything. i’m sad. i know that. but i’m also the only one that’s away from home. so i’m feeling pretty cut off from this whole thing. the only reason anyone has called me is to check on logistics… whens my flight getting in… where am i flying to… whats the number… when am i getting home… no one has really asked me how i am or what i feel about it or if im okay. no one but people i dont expect it from. my friends here at school have been awesome and my mom and my aunts have all called and asked (Nona’s daughters) but none of my siblings have. although Meridith did. which was nice. but i dunno. i feel like maybe people are mad at me for not being home. i havent talked to my brother at all and that’s weird for me. i don’t even know who is picking me up at the airport tomorrow. but i guess there are better/more important things to do right now then for people to be calling me. i’m a grown up now so i need to expect less people to check on me and i need to check on more people.
truthfully. i don’t really want to go home. i would much rather stay here and just keep trucking. but it doesn’t work that way. also i would be such a shit person if i stayed at school. holy mother of god. i could never. i would never.
but anyway. people just keep dying. and we just keep walking. but i’ve got some heavy boots today. some freaking heavy boots.
“I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced
I told you to be kind
In the morning I’ll be with you
But it will be a different “kind”
I’ll be holding all the tickets
And you’ll be owning all the fines”— Skinny Love, Bon Iver
“I pray because I can’t help myself. I pray because I’m helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn’t change God- it changes me.”—C.S. Lewis (via hewillcarryme)
really? really. i guess i need to see the movie now. cause there is no way that The Social Network is better then Inception or Black Swan or The Fighter. no way. i mean. i have to watch it now. but there is no way.
i know i need to stop talking about the golden globes. but both captain america (chris evans) and thor (chris hemsworth) were just onstage presenting. at the same time. and i wanted to go to there. like right in the middle of there… just standing… and hugging them. just for a second.
Jason Segel and Jimmy Fallon as they join Ryan Seacrest on the red carpet. (via popculturebrain)
was flipping through the channels and managed to see this live. these two make me giggle a lot. also, now i am actively watching the golden globes. best way to spend a sunday night with a tummy ache? i think so.
“I loved having a dad who was smarter than the New York Times, and I loved how my cheek could feel the hairs on his chest through his T-shirt, and how he always smelled like shaving, even at the end of the day. Being with him made my brain quiet. I didn’t have to invent a thing.”—~ Jonathan Safran Foer,Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close (via asettingsun)
“I wanna have friends that I can trust,
that love me for the man I’ve become not the man I was.
I wanna have friends that will let me be
all alone when being alone is all that I need.
I wanna fit in to the perfect space,
feel natural and safe in a volatile place.
And I wanna grow old without the pain,
give my body back to the earth and not complain.”—
why when the past year is possibly the shittiest year ever. im talking a bunch of people dying. being stressed all the time. acquiring a new found panic attack/anxiety gene that you never knew existed. after all of this stuff. how is it possible that being irritated with a friend and them not knowing it seems like one of the worst things ever?
it makes no sense. but it happens every time. our souls are weird things huh? i can stand at a funeral and not cry because everyone else is crying. i can read the most heartwrenching stories and feel nada. but as soon as someone acts like they don’t want me around. or dosent do the normal “friend” things. man. it can make a person feel fucking worthless. ((oh and side note to all my tumblr besties whom i interact with in real life this is not about any of you. it’s not about anyone really. so don’t go getting all worried on me. i pinkie promise)).
maybe it’s because it’s that time of the month and i’m overly emotional. but i think it’s more than that. it’s just the feeling of not being needed that sucks. and it’s weird because i don’t really think of myself as a person who needs people but i guess i do. and it’s kind of a weird thing to come to terms with. the need. i guess it’s just hard when you feel like you are sitting in a room and everything is moving around you. not physically around you. not like you are the center of attention or the axis. but more like everything is moving past you.
like you are just a little star on the way to the solar system.
oh and p.s. i’m dramatic. i know, i know. something new and different, right?
just got to spend some quality time with one of my favorite people in the entire universe.
it always works the same way. we make fun of each other. we get irritated with each other at least once. but it boils down to the fact that we are friends and so we eventually get to that point every time we hang out, where you just smile and accept the differences and laugh about them.
we are two completely different people. with two completely different views on the world. but we are friends. and i think we might be friends for a long time (i hope).
and i wish that he was around all the time. cause i think we would all laugh just a little bit more. and listen to stories just a little bit more intently. and i think maybe our little group of girls would smile just a little bit more if he was around to be our friend. no matter what. all the time. despite the things we don’t agree on.
we’ve all grown up so much since the first time we met this awesome friend of ours. and it’s crazy to think that in 20 years we will be able to say that we knew each other at the beginning of college. i just love the idea of all of us being around each other for that long.